Eight points about the child free

I’ve chatted to a few friends of varying ages about this and it seems fairly common. Particularly within the family, children are a currency that buy you more worth. Alas, since I am then stony broke and staying that way, a little renegotiation is in order.

  1. My time is just as valuable to me as yours is to you.
  2. Not having children does not automatically make me younger than you. I’m still a tax paying, salary earning grownup with valid life experience.
  3. I have a life! If you want to see me, make plans. I won’t change existing plans to fit in with your last minute arrangements. See #1.
  4. No, my home does not contain toys or a TV. I don’t need these things. It does contain me. However, if toys and a TV are what you are visiting, try a department store.
  5. You know, I don’t find your home particularly adult friendly…
  6. It is not demanded by law that I accede to your holiday plans. See #1 and #3.
  7. Yes, I went shopping again. You chose kids, I chose disposable income. Deal with it.
  8. Oh, and by the way, remaining child free is not a peculiar alternative lifestyle choice.
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11 thoughts on “Eight points about the child free

  1. Go Ms Musings! I have chosen mine and you have chosen yours, but I guess the only one with lifestyle envy is me. People who make you uncomfortable in your own home, or try to question your choices are one thing – jealous.

  2. Amen to all that! We (another childless-by-choice household) don’t have too many toys (other than stuffed animals) in our house, but we do have children’s books, so if your child can read or enjoys being read to… Otherwise, don’t those huge bags you lug along with all the foods your child must eat, because nothing we have is good enough, happen to have room for a few toys?

  3. We have lots of toys — dog toys — and any baby that wants to play with them is welcome! (I don’t have to worry that any parent would take me up on that, I’m sure.) Amen to everything you say here. I would just put in bike riding for shopping.

  4. Word. I may yet have children but I am fully prepared at this point for that to pass me by – whether or not I do – everything you say here is spot-on.

  5. You are so right. And I also do not appreciate the parents’ slightly gleeful observation that their children are going to trash my house. If they made the choice to have children then they have to do the parenting.

  6. Rock on! I love this list. The thing is that it all comes down to simple consideration. That is just so hard to get sometimes.

    For the record, however, Zoe practically worships you and would give her eye teeth (when they come in) to visit your place.

    Oh, and Rebecca, Zoe would happily play with your dog’s toys! The dog too, of course.

  7. Charlotte – Certainly in my mind both choices are equally valid, but you are right, I don’t have lifestyle envy, except of those whose lives are less trammelled than mine!

    Emily – Oh yes, the food. I’d forgotten about that. I wonder that there is room in the bags of toys for it.

    Dorothy – So selfish of you to go bike riding so often, though. Have you no consideration for the feelings of others, who had to spend the morning at Toys R Us and the afternoon at a children’s party?

    Courtney – Something tells me that if you do decide to have children, you won’t be the sort of parent who expects the rest of the world to rotate around her.

    Featherduster – I am familiar with that gleam. Also the accompanying slightly accusatorial tone when it’s clearly your fault that the child managed to break something because you had not previously rendered your house child proof.

    ZM – I know you know all about the lack of consideration, having experienced it first hand. Zoe is welcome over here any time, with or without eye teeth.

  8. It’s sad that people that live childfree are prompted to justify ourselves to those that choose differently.

    I have not had half of these issues. But I am now learning that by the time all my friends have school aged kids this is a common threat I will soon endure.

    Much strength!

  9. Yup. I agree completely. I was supposed to have a meeting, but couldn’t go because of another appointment. I got the evil eye, but a colleague who couldn’t make it because of kid things was excused with a smile. I don’t get it.

  10. I don’t know if you’ll see this comment as I’ve just spied your blog from Danielle’s.

    Since my daughter was a young adult I’ve told her that having children is not the be-all-end-all that it’s made out to be. A tough thing to say to your own child without offending them I’ll tell you! Consequently, she’s one of the few of her friends that talks about exploring life and travelling. She can’t understand her 20 year-old girlfriends who say that they can’t wait to get married and have children.

    Having children can be a wonderful thing but I wish that young women were given the message that they won’t be villified if they chose not to.

  11. Darlene – Yes, exactly. I have never wanted children and yet I spent my entire life up to my early 30s with people smiling indulgently and telling me I would change my mind, that my biological clock would kick in. It didn’t seem that I had a choice, it seemed that I was supposed to be snared by biology.
    It wasn’t ‘Are you going to have children?’ it was ‘When are you going to have children?’ Argh.

    Good luck to your daughter in whatever choice she makes!

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