So, things you can get for a fiver. I noticed the other day that a five pound note doesn’t stretch very far these days; or, it’s just me being profligate as usual. What does comes in at five squid or thereabouts?

• 3. 6 litres of petrol, @ today’s price of 1.35.9 of your pounds sterling per litre. Yes, oh American readers, I said litres. Read it and weep with us.
• 12 sachets of Whiskas kitten food, about 4 days’ worth, which is why I switched to fancy James Wellbeloved dry food. I was spending more on cat food than on me food.
• A box of 4 John Lewis value tumblers. So, yeah, you could buy them, but they are horrid.
• 10 first class stamps for letters; 4 stamps to the US.
• 500g of Essential Waitrose English Cheddar. ‘Essential’ is Waitrose’s cheapo brand, rather than a definition of foodstuffs that are really essential. I love that they have ‘Essential Trifle’: the very name is a contradiction in terms and I like to pretend it’s deliberately ironic.
• A zumba class – sadly, the entrance fee does not also include the coordination required to get the best out of the class. I never knew that the words ‘This is just a basic salsa step’ could be so lowering.
• 3 2 cappucini from the new cafe near the office. I forget it’s name, in my head it’s ‘The Yellow Cafe’, although I’m not even sure if it is yellow or if that’s the colour of the awning of the bar before it. But it’s done now, the neural pathway has been constructed. We have figured out that because of where our office is situated in the building, it’s actually quicker to leave the premises and go to The Yellow Cafe than it is to go to the in house cafe. Also, the coffee doesn’t suck.
• 50 Lapsang Souchong teabags, with just about enough change for a bag of chips.
• One glass of Berry’s House Red at the Old Parsonage. But, this will come with free nibbles, and free Old Parsonageness (rubbish service, but great fire).
• One pair of knickers from M&S, various styles.

Congratulations, guys! We just spent 50 quid.