Rule Britannia. Like, totally

I saw that Noble Savage had done a ‘ways in which I’ve adapted, ways in which I haven’t’ post and I thought I’d like to do it from the other way round. So,

Ways in which I’ve ‘acclimated’ (shudder) to the US:

  • I say ‘vacation’, ‘pants’, ‘sneakers’ and ‘sweater’
  • I can order a decaf, skinny cappuccino to go and keep a straight face whilst doing so
  • I drive everywhere
  • A menu is a starting point of suggestions which I am free to amend in any way I prefer
  • Manicures are a regular part of my life
  • Sometimes I wear yoga pants even when I’m not going to yoga, because they’re so comfortable
  • I have a preference in healthcare providers
  • A few inches of snow is nothing to make a fuss about
  • Whenever I walk into a shop I expect a pointless and insincere exchange with the assistant

Ways in which I abso-bloody-lutely haven’t. And won’t.

  • Football is still a 90 minute game involving 22 men kicking a black and white ball around a pitch
  • I buy my chocolate in bulk on trips back to the UK
  • Baseball makes me want to poke my eyes out with a rusty fork
  • Actually, the Daily Show only passes for satire in a country that doesn’t really get satire
  • BBC News, because all American news is parodic
  • I’ll buy a bottle of wine in public! And then take it home and drink it by myself if I feel like it
  • I mostly say ‘fuck’ not ‘frick’ or any other nursery version. Even in meetings.
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5 thoughts on “Rule Britannia. Like, totally

  1. litlove

    I really enjoyed this! I often fantasize about living in the US and wonder what would change about me. I do watch the Daily Show from time to time, and I see exactly what you mean.

  2. Simone

    Love it. What is the big deal with the f-bomb?! It’s a great all-encompassing word. And what’s the deal with buying wine in public?! No wonder I struggle…

  3. musingsfromthesofa Post author

    Litlove – only some superficial stuff. You can cling on to all UK vocab but explaining yourself all the time gets tiring. Your driving gets worse, dining out is worse (this could just be CT, of course) but life is generally cheaper. And you would boggle at the deeply embedded hypocrisy – The ‘ooh, we’re, like, the torchbearers of democracy and we have, like, no class system. It’s just that, you know, the wealthy white are more equal than anyone else, and hey, it’s not our fault they’re poor. They should have worked harder. I’m not paying for their healthcare.’

    Dave – deeply weird attitudes to alcohol. To paint in very broad stripes: (in public) ‘Alcohol is bad’; (behind closed doors)’Gulp, gulp, gulp’. And I don’t fucking understand the not swearing thing at all, but it gets right on my fucking nerves.

  4. Jodie

    You are frowned on for buying wine in public? Is there a way to buy wine in secret in America that I don’t know about? Have you ever thought about buying the wine with a screw top and then drinking it right outside the shop where you bought it, just because you can?

  5. musingsfromthesofa Post author

    Jodie – Generally not. I prefer to be at home, sitting down, and usually with cheese and crackers to accompany my wine.

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