Of course, to describe our politicians as such is a slur on the good name of both oil and weasels, but I’ve run out of appropriate vocabulary.
The pre-election madness has kicked off and we’ve got five more months of huffing and puffing and posturing, until one bunch of untrustworthy, duplicitous, expense-fiddling wastrels beats another bunch of the same into power. Or not. It might be another hung parliament, in which case Clegg the Forgotten promises that the LibDems will provide ‘heart’ to the Tories and ‘spine’ to Labour, thus leaving open the question of who will be providing either to the LibDems to start with? It won’t matter, though, we all know a Nick Clegg promise is written on the winds in the first place.
The next few months are going to feel like we’re watching the world’s longest corporate video: full to overflowing with boring suits and sentences carefully crafted to be full of words and yet say absolutely nothing. Five sodding months of live Pseud’s Corner. You just know that every vote-catching empty smile and manufactured word has been scripted to the second. There’s nothing sincere or genuine about politics as currently practiced, hence Farage’s success. He is genuinely a despicable idiot, but at least he’s genuinely something, and that’s how desperate the situation is.
There’s no one good to vote for, of course, it’s a matter of identifying the lesser of the weevils. So, most annoyingly, because I can’t trust a word anyone from any of the parties says, and because what they do say is superficial and intended to discourage voters from paying attention to the reality of policies, I’m going to have to study for this election. The level of political debate is roughly ‘He said!’ ‘I never said nuthin’, I’m telling me dad on you’, which makes it all just a great big distracting circus that has to be ignored. I’ll have to make my own way through the manifestoes, with a lot of help from Radio 4. Someone suitably politically informed, but with academic neutrality should set up an evening class. I’d go.