Ten things I like about being a grown up

Subtitle: The injustices of teenagerdom

1. No one can tell me not to put my feet on the furniture, even in ‘those muddy shoes’ (that aren’t really muddy at all but may once have seen a spot of mud in passing).

2. No one can tell me to ‘get that cup off the arm of the chair, I don’t want you spilling tea everywhere!’ ‘Everywhere’ was the key word when I was growing up. One book on the floor right by where you were sitting engendered the complaint ‘Who’s been leaving books everywhere?’

3. I can spend hours on the phone without being reminded who pays the phone bill. My mum did spend literally hours on the phone, and then always complained that the entire bill was our fault.

4. No matter what time I get home, no one says ‘What time do you call this?’. Although these days, if they did, I’d most likely say ‘9.30’.

5. Chocolate biscuits could be an every day occurrence. In our house, my step-dad had them and we weren’t allowed.

6. If a plate or glass gets broken, I clear it up. It does not require a three-act tragedy and week long recriminations.

7. No one tells me ‘Girls don’t whistle/chew gum/put their hands in their pockets’ or ‘Young ladies don’t swear’. And if they did they’d get a pithy lecture on the importance of not reinforcing outdated gender norms that are biased in favor of supporting the fucking patriarchy.

8. No one says ‘You’re not going out looking like that, are you?’ . Yes. Yes, I am.

9. It is not considered a crime to get crumbs in the marmalade.

10. I can crank up the heating as much as I like, because I do know who pays the bill and it’s me.

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