In which change is unsettling

Yeah, I know, let’s state the obvious for the thicky twins at the back of the class. And maybe ‘unsettling’ isn’t the right word anyway, maybe it’s more ‘tiring’. Whatever the apposite term,  I find myself resistant to the prospect of change, even while simultaneously trying to impose some control over it.

What’s behind this is the slight prospect of redundancy. I say slight, because while there will definitely be redundancies, the area of the business I work in is still getting investment. Digital marketing should be a pretty safe place to ride out whatever is coming.  Should be. Should.

And that’s my concern. I don’t have a whole lot of safety net, and ‘should’ isn’t secure enough. Much as I’ve tried to train the cats to hunt £50 notes, they still keep coming home with small animals instead, so it looks like I’m the one who’ll need to keep a roof over their furry little heads.

As a result I’m doing a bit of light job hunting, but that in itself provokes more questions.  I’m also trying to save for a deposit for a house, and I’ve no expectation of trying to buy in the South East. I was already thinking that moving north would be the logical way to stretch my money; if I can get the same salary in a cheaper part of the country, then the saving, and the buying, gets easier.

It’s all feasible. There are jobs, in Manchester and Leeds, and good jobs at that. I wouldn’t live in either city, but the countryside is glorious and I’m so used to driving now that any commute coming in under 100 miles for the round trip seems a breeze. Chuck in a probably negotiable one day a week at home, and a house somewhere with good walking on the doorstep, and that’s certainly a lifestyle I could tolerate.

But. Making it all happen feels knackering rather than exciting. Even looking for somewhere to rent in a location several hours away is a logistical horror. I’m unusually comfortable with the current status quo, and while I’ve upended my life entirely several times in the past, all I really want to do now is to settle. Any change that happens will be the opposite of that. Yet change is also inevitable, if not inexorable, in that even if my job turns out to be secure, the house owning goal still requires moving. In fact, it probably demands moving sooner rather than later, so why not take this current uncertainty as a nudge to action?

I’ll resolve the problem of my own inertia one way or the other. Waiting around to see how things turn out is never my preferred approach, so it’s likely that in fairly short order I’ll pull myself together. Just, not quite yet.



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I've run out of books. Again.

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