Runs like clockwork

Except that, this is the time of year when the mechanism is breaking and maybe a bit over-wound. It runs slower, and it runs down more quickly. This year has been hard and long, and it’s not even as if heading into a new year will bring a clean slate. England is broken,  and those in authority are a big part of the problem. The US is facing a disaster that could well become international. No one is going to come along and fight the monsters.

It is tough to get out of bed in the mornings, and if it wasn’t for the cats demanding that I get up and feed them, I can’t be sure that I’d always bother facing the day. Once I’m up, I run like a good little automaton: shower, dress, drive to whichever the hell office it is. Tick those boxes.

Someone I was close to was killed in a car accident a few weeks ago. One of my best friends is hurting so much, it almost breaks me to see her.

I am so tired.

I don’t believe in any gods and I don’t believe in miracles, and all the feel-good Christmas ads make me furious at how gullible retailers think people are.

But what are the options? It’s basically stop or go, and I choose go because I always do. And  since the cats got me up anyway, I might as well go through the motions until they mean something more than a chore ticked off a list: order the tree, buy more decorations, plan the gifts.

And I don’t believe in gods, but I do believe in people, and so look. Look at the Blackwell’s Giving Tree, where I’ll go donate today. Look at the more than 50 shoeboxes for Shelter my colleagues put together. Look at the flowers my boyfriend bought me, and the guy at carwash telling me to it was ok to come back later with the cash. These are the small kindnesses that get us all through the days. With all this, maybe we are fighting the monsters.

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I've run out of books. Again.

7 thoughts on “Runs like clockwork”

  1. you are not alone. even when it feels like it. And believing in people is a big deal. there’s no such thing as a ‘small kindness’ – every little act is huge in potential.

  2. I think I know exactly how you are feeling. Instead of cats I have boys, so I get out of bed and carry on also, but I can’t say my heart is really in it at present, and my head is distracted by the long list of people and things to worry about. As to 2017, my only thought is that it can’t be much worse than 2016… I don’t even care if I’m deluding myself on that one. x

  3. Thank you, Musings…you read my mind and mirror my feelings. I wish you happy, and hope you have a lovely Christmas.

    I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

    Seldom comment but always look forward to your wonderful posts.

  4. Hey everyone, thanks for commenting.

    Babycrow – I think you’re right, who knows what the ripple effect of a small kindness is?

    R – Sorry to hear it, honey. Don’t you just wish some of the amorphous ‘it’ would stop? Amazing how ‘it’ all just keeps coming. Chin up, pet, we’ll get through.

    Pat – Thank you, and I wish you a joyous Christmas!

  5. as always, you are the bright light in the web world. i check you blog weekly just to see if you’re here w/ your sanity and your humanity, cause your voice is the small kindness we need. there aren’t many if any other voices like yours i have found out there and it’s soooo needed. thank you thank you thank you. now go get some strong egg nog, dip chocolate in it and give some to the cats. luv you and so many thanks

  6. “I don’t believe in any gods and I don’t believe in miracles, and all the feel-good Christmas ads make me furious at how gullible retailers think people are.”

    Brexit, Trump – If I were a retailer these are heartening signs regarding the ongoing gullibility of the general public.

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